You Left (Part I)

My eyes were too focused on the words scribbled in this book 'Versus' by Hlovate. The story seems so real, my mind was creating scenes all this while. The creativity of the author made me really excited to find out what happens next. I-

"Mama...!"

I looked away, and I saw a little girl running towards me from the garden. There's a boy behind, chasing her all the way. While they burst into laughter, I smile. As the little girl reaches me, she quickly grabs my hand trying to avoid the boy who was chasing her.

"Zara, kenapa ni?"
"Abang tu ha, Zara tengah main sorang-sorang, dia boleh datang terkejutkan Zara lepastu kejar."
"Danial... Kenapa buat Zara?"

He said nothing, he laughs and walks away. The little girl soon follows her brother into the house, to continue having fun I presume. I can't stop smiling, thinking on how fast the time flies. It feels like it was only yesterday, giving birth to my only boy. But now he's old enough to talk, even though he needs more practice and such. He's also capable of handling his sister, giving me the time to have a cup of tea while reading. Time flies. Really fast. If only you're still here with us, to actually witness all these happiness in the house, it will be really great.

"Mama..!" That killed my daydream. Pshh.
"Zara panggil banyak kali mama buat tak tahu je.."
Looking into her eyes, feeling sympathy, I answer her. "Sorry sayang, ye ye kenapa?"
"Zara nak tanya.." She asks me in a really low voice, I wonder. What is wrong?
"Tanya lah. Kenapa ni?"
"Papa bila nak balik eh?"

I smiled. My eyes became teary. I look right at her, was this 3 year old child reading my mind? You're just in my thoughts seconds ago, and she is now asking about you. See? We all miss you. But I miss you more. You used to give me forehead kisses before going to bed, telling me how lucky you are for having me, holding my hands unexpectedly at various times, and I'm not getting any of it anymore now. Those times when our boy was still a baby, we would constantly fight on who gets to kiss the baby first. Those times when I will pretend being mad because the baby is getting more attention than I do. Don't you miss it too?

"Mama..." The girl seems tired of calling her mother over and over again.
"Ha.. ye sayang."
"Papa bila nak balik?"
Wiping off my tears before she asks why I'm crying, I instantly hug her. With a low voice I say,
"Papa kan dekat syurga. Macam mana papa nak balik?"
"Lama betul. Boss papa tak kesian ke tak bagi papa balik jumpa kita?"

This actually hurts. She's obviously too young to understand and I don't even have the heart to explain where her dad really is. Do I even have the strength to grow these kids alone, without you? How would they feel, growing up without a father's love? Why do you have to do this to me?


-- takdak idea dah. nanti nanti lah hapdet. mengantuk siut --